Massive Recall Alert: Katie Holmes Recalls Life from Tom Cruise

cruisedivorce Massive Recall Alert: Katie Holmes Recalls Life from Tom CruiseI’m sorry that I was MIA yesterday but I have been crying my eyes out in the fetal position in the back of my closet about yesterday’s massive recall announcement.

In case you missed it…

Katie Holmes has recalled her fake life with Tom Cruise.

That’s right – another fake celebrity marriage is over! Katie (we can call her “Katie” again, right?!?) has officially filed for divorce.

How can we all go on? Sure, there are other really important events going on in the country like a historic Supreme Court decision. But no, my Facebook timeline is blowing up with the news that TomKat is no more. What will happen to the TomKitten? This is all so sudden. So shocking.

I know we never do celebrity gossip, right? And I’m not going to start now by talking about the fact that I’m super hopeful that there wasn’t a gag clause in their 5-year “marriage contract” so that Katie can spill all the juicy details. Come on, you are a little curious how it was/is to be the wife of a Scientology robot too!

Okay, full disclosure. I have met Tom Cruise. In person. True story.

He was seriously the nicest man-robot that I have ever met. Charming. Good looking. Everything a good Scientology product can be.

Since we don’t “do” celebrity gossip and there are all kinds of sites and magazines that do it so much better, I have compiled a list of the top 10 funniest article titles about this big news. (*Disclosure: I do not think divorce is funny. Ever. I just think these sensational headlines are so over the top.)

Read the headlines. Read the stories. Don’t read any of it. Whatever. It’s just celebrity gossip. icon smile Massive Recall Alert: Katie Holmes Recalls Life from Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes Divorcing Because They Couldn’t Fake Being In Love Forever and Plus She’s Not a Dude – (Gawker)

Katie Holmes Fed Up with Scientology – Why She is Divorcing Tom Cruise – (Hollywood Life)

Katie Holmes Finds Tom Cruise “Mission Impossible” – (Reuters)

Tom Cruise’s divorce could get prickly as Katie Holmes lawyers up – Los Angeles Times

♥ Katie Holmes Divorce: Tom Cruise’s Ex Her Best Role Yet? – (Forbes)

Why the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Divorce Isn’t A Total Shock – (The Relationship Diva)

TomKat declawed: Katie Holmes divorcing Tom Cruise – San Francisco Chronicle

Katie Holmes Breaks Free, Is Divorcing Tom Cruise – (Showbiz 411)

Marriage Impossible: End of a Hollywood Romance – (The Independent)

Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes: It’s Over, Except Probably Isn’t – (Heckler Spray)

 

**Again, I do not think divorce is funny. Yes, I am judging. Yes, I’m jumping on the bandwagon by talking about it. At least I can admit when I’m wrong. Just let me have a little fun once in a while. icon smile Massive Recall Alert: Katie Holmes Recalls Life from Tom Cruise

 

Comments

  1. Celeste says

    I think the TomKat declawed is the funniest but I agree with you, I don’t think divorce is funny either. However, I think news headlines are hilarious sometimes because sometimes they make you go “what was that person thinking???” (referring to the people that write them lol)

  2. Lydia says

    Now she’ll finally be free to find a young hottie, that can keep up with her (and all the magazines will stop saying shes pregnant, like every other day.)

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