I love my kids. You probably love yours too. They’re great but sometimes you need a few minutes to yourself. Everyone deserves a little peace and quiet but its common knowledge that young kids loathe peace and are the bitter enemy of quiet.
Had a long day? Need a few minutes to wolf down some candy in the forbidden solitude of your linen closet?
Here are 5 simple ways to get some alone time:
Bust Out the Nail Clippers
Need I say more? How many kids enjoy a loooooong session of finger and toenail clipping? None! Pull out those bad boys and watch your kids run for the hills.
Pour yourself a little Pinot. Just a little. It’s not bedtime.
Play Old School Cartoons
Old cartoons always freak my kids out. The faded colors, bizarre laugh tracks, and adult themes bore them to tears almost instantly. Some suggestions include: The Snorks, The Flintstones, and The Smurfs.
Experiment and see what works for your family. If you’re really desperate you can resort to one of those old timey black and white cartoons where no one speaks. *Shudder*
Brush some teeth
This is a win-win situation. Wave that toothbrush around menacingly and watch the kids disperse like cockroaches. Brilliant. Of course the kids’ teeth do eventually need brushing so this method might not buy you much time.
However if its been the kind of day where you found some mystery poo on the stairs then by all means give it a try. Wave that toothbrush shamelessly and enjoy some silence.
Ahhh who can resist the sweet sounds of Benedictine Monks? Toddlers! That’s who. Oh, and resist they will!
Bump this at maximum volume, make yourself some tea, and wait for the inevitable. The kids will retreat to their rooms, most likely to call their Grandparents and beg them to take them in but whatever.
Isn’t it time you did something for yourself?
Candy Scavenger Hunt
You want to sprinkle candy at the opposite end of the house. Be smart. Nothing a child could choke on, avoid sticky candies that need to be brushed out of teeth immediately, and for the love of God nothing that could melt.
Let’s not make more work for you here!
My suggestion? Nerds. Sprinkle nerds about and then RUN. Run like Forrest Gump back to your lair. Eat some candy. Paint your nails. Have a blast!
But don’t forget to brush those teeth later.
Any cool tricks for sneaking a few minutes away from your kids?