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How to Bond with Your Baby
By Laurie Katz
One of the most wonderful aspects of parenting is feeling that amazing bond that you have with your child. It's an indescribable thing that only a parent understands and it's a different kind of love than what you feel for anyone else. Your baby is the best thing that has ever happened to you and you would do anything for her well being and happiness.
Sometimes you feel a strong bond right away. Parents can also develop a meaningful bond with their baby over time. Keep in mind that there are circumstances that can make it more difficult. These may include recovering from a difficult labor or delivery, sleep deprivation, postpartum depression, having multiple children, or other children to care for. If you are having difficulties with bonding, consider talking about it with your doctor, partner, and friends. Getting support will help.
There are many activities that parents can do to develop and deepen the bond with their child. Different techniques work better when you baby is at different developmental stages. Initially it may seem like all your baby does is eat, sleep, and poop. However, your baby is quickly absorbing the world around her. Over time she will start to respond to you and become interactive. Start with bonding activities that seem easy or fun and work your way from there.
Sing and talk to baby: Take opportunities to talk to your baby from the very beginning. This is probably the only time you will have such a captive audience. Tell your baby about yourself and your family. Tell your baby real or made up stories. Tell your baby what you're doing as you do it. For example, "lets go into the kitchen and make some lunch. This is how you make a sandwich." Mimic the sounds that she makes back to her. Respond to her sounds or cries by asking her if she is tired, hungry, or needs to be held. Sing your favorite childhood songs to her. If you can't remember any songs try getting a baby songs CD and hum along with it. Your baby will love listening to your voice and will eventually start to make sounds back. Babies love new sounds so try telling her the sounds of the alphabet daily and watch how over time she picks up on these.
Feeding time with baby: Feeding your baby can be a time of bonding, whether you are breastfeeding or bottle feeding. You can hold your baby close to you and talk to your baby as you feed her. Try caressing her head as she eats. There is nothing better then the gaze you get from your baby while feeding her, so enjoy it! Keep in mind that for some parents feeding time can be difficult as your baby learns how to breast feed or bottle feed. If this is an area that is currently challenging, try picking another place to start with bonding.
Snuggle with baby: The physical closeness of snuggling with your baby is a great way to bond. It is the best feeling when your baby is tired and falls asleep while snuggling close to you.
Eye contact and touch: These are two of the simplest and best ways to bond with your baby. Look into your baby's eyes and respond to her verbally or with a big smile when she meets yours. As your baby gets older, eye contact is a great way to practice social skills and feel a connection. You can also bond by touching your baby. Hold her hand as she grasps on your finger, or look into the popular baby massage techniques.
Baby wearing: This is a wonderful way to bond with a newborn before they are more socially interactive with you, and it's also great with infants. It's also one of the best ways to feel like you are not ignoring your baby and still get things done around the house. You don't have to have your baby in a carrier all day, even an hour can feel like good bonding time. This can also help if you have more then one child so that you have your hands free and can multitask. There are many benefits to baby wearing, but the best one is having your baby close to you. Your baby can look up at your face, you can talk to baby, and they can nap by laying their head on your chest. Most carriers are made to be comfy for baby but the key is finding one that you enjoy as well. I advise looking into the many different types of baby carriers that exist such as soft structured carriers, Mei Tais, slings and so on. Try out different ones to find out which is most comfortable for you and baby and consider getting a baby wearing DVD that teaches you how to do this.
Changing table time: Once your baby gets old enough, changing table time can be a fun and great way to bond with your baby. Drag out changing time by talking to your baby, singing, touching her feet and hands and responding to her reactions. Your baby will eventually associate changing time as a fun and interactive with you. You can also try putting a mirror or mobile over the changing table and help your baby to interact with it.
Play with baby: Playtime is a great way to bond with your baby. Be silly, creative, and get in touch with the child in you. Try different games such as peek-a-boo or dangling a toy above baby. Do different things to make your baby smile or laugh. Look into books that suggest games to play with baby for their correct developmental stage.
Reading to baby: Your baby does not have to understand what you're saying in order for you to read to
her. She will enjoy the sound of your voice, the pictures on the page, and touching the book. You can read to her while she is lying down or while sitting on your lap. Try remembering what your favorite books were as a child and pick up some of these for baby. Also consider soft books that baby can touch and play with. Try reading a magazine to baby or the newspaper. This is a great way to keep you both entertained. Reading can also be a good way to establish a bedtime routine.
Bath time: Once your baby is old enough to enjoy bath time this is a wonderful way to bond with baby and establish a good nightly routine. It is also something both moms and dads can each do.
Practice mindfulness: Life is busy and it requires that we multitask through out the day. At least once per day, practice mindfulness by being in the moment with your baby. When you feed your baby, just feed your baby. When you play with your baby, just play. Go to a quiet place in the house, turn off the phone and have some one-on-one time with your baby. Even if you are really busy, practicing the art of being in the moment once per day with baby will make you feel like you spent more quality time together. Try to block out other distractions and worries you may have for that time and give yourself full permission to just be with your baby. You baby is actually very good at being in the moment. She is not worried about what happened before or after but just what is happening right now. There is no set amount of time that you have to practice mindfulness with your baby, just do what works for you both.
Taking care of yourself: If you spend all your time with your best friend or partner, chances are that you'll need a break from them. Like friends, it is often good to have a break, even if small, from baby in order to come back refreshed and to enjoy each other. This also gives opportunities for your baby to bond with other people like grandparents or your partner. Although it can be difficult at first some ideas are to go for a walk, take a bath, go browsing at your favorite store, or do something to pamper yourself. As long as you have someone you trust caring for your baby this time will help you. If you are taking care of yourself, you will have more energy and resources for your baby when you are together and this will help with bonding.
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