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Planning Successful Play Dates
By Sarah Lindstrom
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Socializing your child is an important task of being a Mom. Equally important is conversations for Mom with someone who has the capacity to answer back and don't involve how many times someone has gone to the bathroom. So start young. If only for your sake, get together with other mothers so you can chat about what you're experiencing and know that you're not going crazy - or if you are, at least you're not alone. Young babies don't really know how to socialize with each other. They're just getting used to their own existence, let alone that of someone else, so find mothers you enjoy spending time with and start there. Invite a couple over for coffee and trade stories about how little Stevie just won't sleep through the night and Kelly hates tummy time. You will be amazed at how something as simple as someone else saying, "yeah, me too" helps. Knowing you aren't alone makes everything a little more bearable - maybe not at three in the morning with a screaming baby, but you get my drift. Plus, as the kids grow older, you already have a solid base of women to go to.
As it becomes your child who is doing the playing, there are two ways you can go: a regular play date with a handful of others or you can join a play group with 20 or 30 other moms. A play group can be overwhelming for some but it can be a lifesaver for others. My best friend is married to a Captain in the Army. I've known her for almost three years and they've lived in four different places. Before they head to a new post, she gets online and sets up a play group at the new base. By the time they move there she "knows" 20 women and her children already have other kids to meet and befriend. And at least once a month they have a Moms-only get together. These play groups provide great opportunities for the kids to socialize and learn proper behavior and the moms have each other to turn to for the support they need.
Here are some tips to having a successful play date, large or small:
1. Know your child's limits. If your daughter doesn't reach peek friendliness until after lunch, then plan for afternoon play dates. If your son turns into a monster without a nap in the afternoon, plan accordingly. This will not only make others more likely to want to get together, but you and your child will have more fun too.
2. Plan to stay. For at least the first few years, plan to be an active participant in your child's play dates. If you're going over to someone else's house, stay for crowd control and so your child doesn't freak when you walk out the door. Request the same from parents coming to your house unless you're totally comfortable caring for their child alone.
3. Reciprocate. Make sure you're not a dump and run mom. If your child is old enough to be left at the house alone, you probably treasure those few hours you have to yourself. You can get a manicure, clean the house or grocery shop all without a whining child tagging along. The other mom wants the same thing. Make sure you're playing fair and square and host dates as well. In turn, you'll be teaching you child the importance of taking turns.
4. Leave the disciplining to the parent. If you witness someone else's child being physical, by all means, step in to stop it for the sake of the other child. Disciplining techniques, however, are as varied as the number of parents out there so you want to be extremely careful. The best course of action is to let the offending child know what acceptable behavior is for your house and try to steer the behavior in that direction. When the parent comes to pick up the child, calmly explain what the issue was and how you handled it. Hopefully the parent will pick it up from there and talk with the child, or, ideally, offer to stay next time to be there to correct the behavior herself.
5. Head conflicts off before they escalate. Even the best of friends will disagree. The younger the children are, the shorter the fuse and the less likely they are to understand situations and control their emotions. If they start arguing about a specific game they're playing, direct them toward another one. If they're playing tug-of-war over a toy, introduce a new one and suggest a swap after 10 minutes. This is for your sanity as much as it is for your child.
6. Keep them short and sweet. You don't need to entertain someone else's child for five hours and don't expect someone else to do the same for you. Kids can become bored and then they will become cranky. A couple hours at a time will keep everyone happy and more than willing to get together again. End on a high note when everyone is having fun - not when your kids are crying and begging to go home.
7. Don't just observe, participate! Bring out a box of your old dresses, hats and scarves. Play dress up and put on a fashion show. Crank the music up and throw a dance party. Get in the sandbox and help them build a castle. Your child will probably not want you hanging out with their friends forever. Take advantage of this time with them now. It will also help your child see you as more than a disciplinarian. By being an active part of their play lives, you're showing them they can trust you and can come to you with whatever is on their mind.
Bottom line: You know your child and what will and won't work. Play fair with the other moms and your children will learn to do the same.
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