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Going into Pre-Term Labor
By Sarah Lindstrom
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There were two things I knew almost from the moment I found out I was pregnant: it was going to be a boy and he was going to come early. I can't explain why I knew these things, but my husband and I didn't even really discuss girl names and when anyone asked what my due date was I would say "December 29, but he's going to come early." At my 20 week sonogram the first of my intuitions came true. We were having a boy. He took on an identity. I called him by his name, talked to him and was constantly rubbing my belly. I wanted to make sure this little baby knew he was already loved.
So that just left my feeling that he would come early. My idea of early was December 10 so when my water broke at 12:30 a.m. on November 21 I was really concerned. I spent about 5 minutes in the bathroom convinced I was wrong and that my water didn't actually break before I went and woke up my husband. While I was completely useless and shaking uncontrollably on the toilet, he was getting a bag packed for the hospital and about an hour later we were on our way.
I wasn't feeling any contractions yet and even I began to doubt whether I was really in labor. I continued to shake uncontrollably all the way to the hospital - I just knew this wasn't supposed to be happening - and my poor husband was trying to drive the car and hold on to me at the same time. When we got checked into the LDR room, my labor nurse began discussing with us all of the things that they were concerned about with the baby. I couldn't concentrate on all of it but I knew there going to be problems. His lungs wouldn't be fully developed, he would be missing a layer of fat under his skin so he would have trouble maintaining his body temperature and he would probably have trouble eating. As things progressed, a crew from the NICU, which they reassuringly call the Special Care Nursery, came in to take him up right away. I only got to hold him for a minute.
When my husband and I went up to the NICU it was the most wonderful and most painful experience of my life. I was looking at my son basically for the first time and he was beautiful. But he was so little, I couldn't hold him and he was hooked up to machines and had a breathing tube in his mouth. I was amazed at this perfect little creation in front of me but I was seeing him in a situation that no parent wants to see their child in. I cried and cried and went through so many emotions. I wanted to make him ok and comfort him and then I started blaming myself for him being so early. I kept saying I must have done something wrong for this to happen. My labor nurse knelt down next to me and told me that for whatever reason, he came early and there's nothing that can be done. He's safe and the best thing he needs now is his mom to be strong and to be there for him. So I got myself together and passed my first parental test by putting my son's needs before my own. I was in pain and certainly emotional, but my son needed me to be strong for him, so I held his hand and talked to him until they made me go back to my room to sleep.
The next week was the most emotional of my entire life. My husband and I worked out a bit of a routine. We only have one car so I would rest in the mornings, he would come home from work on lunch and take me to the hospital. He would then come back after work and we would stay there with him through his eight o'clock feeding. I cried each night when I had to leave him, but it terms of learning how to be a parent, that was the best week of my life. While we were there, we took care of him. We changed his diapers, fed him and comforted him, all with one-on-one guidance from the nurses. I also had one-on-one lactation guidance from the lactation nurse. She met with me for almost every feeding on the first day and gave me tips on holding him and getting him to latch on. We had our ups and downs that week and at various times he had breathing tubes, feeding tubes and wires everywhere. He went in and out of the isolette to regulate his temperature and the only times I could hold him was when I was feeding him, but seeing the other families and babies who had been there for over a month, we knew we were lucky.
Here are a few of the things that I learned that week of baby boot camp:
1. Trust your instincts. My husband and I chose the hospital we did because they have the best maternity department in the city. If something goes wrong at other hospitals, they send their moms and babies there. We decided we wanted to be there from the beginning just in case and even though people said it wouldn't be necessary, it turns out it was. We knew he was in the best hands possible and that helped calm our fears. I also had a doctor's appointment the Monday before I went into labor and I knew something was off. I hadn't been feeling well for a while and I described everything I was feeling to the doctor. She assured me everything was a normal part of pregnancy and that I was fine. I thought about asking for an internal exam but I didn't want to come across as a silly Mom. I'm not saying that an internal would have done anything, but maybe I could have been more prepared. Just know that nothing is silly when it comes to your child.
2. Don't panic. I could not have gotten through this experience without my husband. When my water broke, I literally could not stop shaking. I was panicking and not getting anything done. He calmed me down, gave me strength and got me going. Panicking doesn't benefit anyone. It was a stressful, tiresome time but we were there for each other and our baby.
3. Don't blame yourself. So many factors can contribute to why a baby is born early. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, focus on taking care of your child. Be there for him as much as you can.
4. Make friends with the nurses. They are your allies and are on your side. They want what's best for you and your baby and they want to help. Talk to them, ask them every question that pops into your head. No one will laugh at you and you will better arm yourself to be the best parent you can be.
5. Be at the hospital as much as you can. I know this is difficult if you have other children. This was our first so I had nothing to do but be there with him. But being there and experiencing everything is better than just getting a report from the nurse. Knowing first-hand what the situation is the best thing you can do.
6. Educate yourself. Be aware of how your child will develop differently. My son is now almost two months old, but in reference to his due date, he is barely three weeks old so I can't expect him to be doing the things that normal two months old are doing. Until he is about two years old he may always develops a little behind. Nothing to worry about, but I can't compare him to other babies his age and expect him to be doing the same things.
Now our baby is home and he is growing and changing everyday. That short week he was in the hospital was the longest of my life but we learned so much and there is no doubt in my mind what a miracle he is.
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