I’m expecting a call from the kindergarten teacher tomorrow. I just have that feeling after completing my 5 year old’s family assignment tonight. With the best of intentions, the assignment went all wrong.
Let’s start with what the actual assignment was.
“Family Turkey Project”
Help this turkey make it safely past Thanksgiving this year by disguising him as part of our family. Turkeys that have made it through past years have been dressed like ballerinas, hula dancers, football players, Elvis, and many other family resemblances. Think of something that is unique to your family (hobbies, jobs, sports, etc.) and dress your turkey.
Please have fun and be creative! You may use any medium you can think of to decorate. Family turkeys in the past have been decorated with crayons, macaroni, craft feathers, tissue paper, dried beans, rice, clothes, and shoes cut from newspaper ads, ribbons, etc.
Okay, I have to say, I am laughing my ass off right now as I type the actual assignment description because of how wrong it turned out. I guess I missed the sentence that read “think of something that is unique to your family” the first time I read it. Now, it looks like Vegas Showgirls or strippers are something unique to my family. Opps. Here is how we got there.
First, I completely overestimated my craft skills! At the beginning, I thought I had mad skills in being creative with crafts. I was completely wrong. I would now like to go on the record to say that I have absolutely no skills in this area.
Second, it wasn’t completely my fault. The project started out with my daughter telling me that she wanted the turkey to be wearing a swimsuit. Easy enough, I thought. We would go to Walmart and pick out a small square of fabric and I would sew the turkey a swimsuit. Do I sew, you ask? Not a chance! Sew a button on here or there is about the extent of my sewing abilities.
On the way to Walmart, I threw out other ideas to my daughter for the turkey. A dancer? Nope. A princess? Nope. She wanted the turkey in a swimsuit. Okay. I wasn’t fazed. No problem.
We arrive at Walmart and head to the craft section. She immediately picks out a bright purple, satin fabric. THAT is what she wanted. Okay, satin seems like swimsuit material. I could deal with that. Then, I had the bright idea to get some lace to cover up the edges that I was sure I wasn’t going to be able to clean up enough with my horrible sewing skills. After the lace, it just started spiraling out of control. Let’s add white feathers. How about purple butterfly jewels to the swimsuit. We gathered everything at the store and headed home.
I decided a two piece, purple swimsuit with white lace would do the job. So, I started hand sewing. Immediately, I knew it was going wrong. But it didn’t stop me. I kept sewing. As I assembled the purple turkey bikini, I realized it was looking a bit like a cheesy piece of lingerie. I was already too far along. I kept going. I thought adding feathers here and there would fix it. Oh, don’t forget the orange butterfly jewels as nail polish. And pasta for the hair!
At the end of the turkey family project assembly, I looked down at our masterpiece. And realized that unless a turkey that looked like an overweight stripper in a seedy Vegas strip club was unique to our family, the turkey was a train wreck! But my daughter LOVED it. “It’s going to be the best turkey in the class!! She is beautiful!” Yep, I’m going to get a call from the teacher tomorrow for our inappropriate execution of the Family Turkey Project!